If Once You Don't Succeed, Give Up You Idiot.

I think today it's going to be about reactions. Recently I showed someone a song that meant a lot to me in the past, and although it doesn't hold the same meaning, it still has a special spot on the shelf of my life. Keep in mind that one thing that I really dislike is when things are left unexplained or unanswered. This doesn't apply much to movies and books, but applies more to when someone doesn't finish their sentences or starts telling a story and then says, "Oh, nevermind". I mind. I mind a lot.


Continuing with my story. I showed my friend this song that meant a lot to me. I didn't mind if they didn't like it, I know that this particular genre is not for everyone, but they're reaction to it just seemed... excessive. And then, worse than that, they wouldn't explain to me why they'd had that reaction. I consider myself very open-minded when it comes to other people's opinion, as long as they can tell me why they feel that way. If you can't or won't tell me why you hold an opinion, then to me, it just seems as if you've made the opinion based on nothing and to me that's a worthless opinion.


I'm fully aware of the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they are under no obligation to tell me why they hold that opinion, but when I showed you the item on which you are making the opinion is it unfair to ask that you at least explain to me why something so special to me made you react in such a loud and abrupt manner? Be fair. That song was from a darker time in my life.


And if I'm being honest, their reaction did hurt my feelings. That song still has meaning for me and their reaction, coupled with their dismissal of that reaction as unimportant insulted that meaning.


I find that around 2 o'clock (morning or afternoon doesn't seem to matter) my posts are more focused than my posts at other times.


To finish I'll leave you with two songs. The first is from the past and it isn't for everyone, but this song has more meaning for me than anyone other than I could understand. The second is from my present, but the world's past and it never fails in making me smile, even when i don't think I can.


Perhaps next post will be a happier one. Perhaps.


- IP

Night Owl or Early Bird?

Until recently I've been one with the opinion of Daria Morgendorffer. The idea that life is essentially meaningless and the people in the world are shallow, wan and selfish has been the tagline of my life so to speak. Gradually though, I guess I've managed to shift my ways of thinking.

I guess what's brought on this post is the fact that it's 2.23am and I'm still awake. Marks come out in about 4 hours, and I'm honestly not sure if I'm waiting for them or for something else. I went to a party on Wednesday and it was great fun. And of course, like a cheesy romcom, I met a boy who offers a different viewpoint and the possibility of a different kind of relationship. For me, my goal in life is to be happy. Up until this point in my life, happiness has been an arbitrary thing. And the messed up thing is that it wasn't always arbitrary by my design. When I'm around him though, I want to be happy. It's a different feeling. And this rises above all other things. All of the personality differences, the differences in interest, ways of communication, everything. Because all my life I've never met anyone who's made me want to be happy and that, for me, speaks volumes. And now, once again, I'm stuck in the turmoil of uncertainty where the choices of the safety of friendship versus the relative danger of pursuing a relationship battle it out until both are lying bleeding on the floor but neither has gotten a foot over the other. So I've resigned myself to waiting and seeing if he will make the first move, which seems unlikely. Should I wait though? I have never been a waiter by nature and it's been both beneficial and detrimental. I have decided to try the waiting game. Who knows, I may be rewarded for it.

So to you, the boy who makes me want to smile and be a better person, maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't, maybe you'll wake up one morning and think that I make you want to be happy too, maybe you won't. The journey is always much more interesting than the destination. I care more about the destination, though.


- IP

Back to Books

The greatest thing that I think anyone can have or give is time. With my recent influx of free time, I've been able to get back to something that I'd loved but had to leave because of time. It was gradual at first; I'd put off reading every few days because of some commitment and eventually I just stopped thinking about altogether. Books became that thing that niggled at my conscience, that thing that I swore to get back to "when I had time". Now that I have lots of free time, it's been wonderful to get to know my old friends again. In some ways it was nostalgic and scary to go back to the very things that had kept me sane throughout my childhood, the very things that I then pushed to the side of my life. But enough reminiscence. I started with a book that I'd seen in my go to bookstore for all things amazing and obscure. It's called Anna Dressed In Blood by Kendare Blake. It is by no means obscure, but it is really amazing. I'd become quite sick of the supernatural themes that the recent barrage of teen fiction gripped with both hands, so I was a bit sceptical at first. After reading the blurb, though, I was hooked. It isn't purely based on romance, first tick. It is fast paced, well written and funny, second, third and fourth ticks. It has intertextual references that  give it that little bit extra and it was not a cliched ending. My excitement only grew when I found that there is going to be a sequel: Girl of Nightmares. There's no release date as yet, but I for one am waiting eagerly for it.

Second book that I'm reading is one that already has a reputation: Dexter. Specifically the latest installment of everyone's favourite sociopath: Double Dexter. Honestly there really is nothing to say except these two books have been brilliant Halloween reading (ironic since we don't celebrate Halloween). Definitely check them both out. I'll leave you with the words of one of my favourite people of all time, Oscar Wilde, from one of my favourite novels, The Picture of Dorian Gray:


"“Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! How clear, and vivid, and cruel! One could not escape from them. And yet what a subtle magic there was in them! They seemed to be able to give a plastic form to formless things, and to have a music of their own as sweet as that of viol or of lute. Mere words! Was there anything so real as words?”

- IP

New Obsessions

I've been procrastinating like crazy because of my exams that started this week, and in the process I have been spending more time on my Google Reader (RSS feed). Something wonderful that I've found is the treasure trove of cooking, and in particular baking, blogs that showed just how talented people can be. One that stood out for me was The Sweet Adventures of Sugarbelle, an amazing blog about cookie decorating =) Her projects look great and she gives tips on how to try them yourself (I know what I'm doing when exams end =D). Have a look at some of her stuff:


(all pictures come directly from her blog)

   

The flowers in pots and the witches hat cookies are three dimensional!! And I just couldn't resist putting the Day of Dead cookies in (they come from her old blog, right here on Blogger, but they aren't there anymore). I can't even contain my glee at how brilliant they are, and these are only my favourites.

Something else I'm also loving is in clothing. I used to wear black a fair bit, simply because it was easy to co-ordinate and because I really didn't think about fashion very much. Just recently I've started loving bright colours, whether they're blocks of colour or just a pop.

Dress from Sheridan French

Christian Dior Haute Couture Fall Collection 2011

Karen Millen Colour Block Dress

               

          Karen Millen Tribal Print Shoes in Neon

It's almost 11! It's late and as much as I despise it, I do need to study so it's sleep time.

Until we meet again =)

IP

HSC, Growing Out of Friends and Sesame Street

The NSW Higher School Certificate started today, a form of high school leaving certificate that rewards rote learners and crammers. Good luck to all the students sitting the HSC =)

On a happier note, I have found that bigger people, better people don't need to put others down to make themselves look good. I know, this is one of those sayings that gets bandied around a bit, and it's only when you have a personal experience that you understand what it means. I think I'm going to express it in the only way I know how. Here it is:

I'm drumming my fingers on the keyboard, I love the dr-r-r-r-r-r sound it makes. It's been a long day, and the lights of the library are no replacement for the natural light that's fighting to get through the 10 metres between the glass ceiling in the enclosed garden and the window beside me. I'm still staring at my Facebook page, though I know that I shouldn't be. It's only been two days since the break-up, and regardless of what anyone says, just because I was the dumper doesn't mean it hurts any less. I refresh the page again, just in case. Still nothing. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for exactly. A message? A post? Anything, I guess. Some recognition that a big part of my world had changed. Still nothing. I drum my fingers again. D-r-r-r-r-r-r. Then, a little red speech bubble blinks at me. It's C, it's harsh, and it's not what I need right now:

m is a loser. you know it but won't admit it. why are you still with him? you say you don't want to hurt his feelings. fuck him. why don't you think about yourself? don't you care? must i make it my duty to make you care?

you give me nothing to work with, cut me out when i say something you don't like and, i don't even know. help me help you, please?


What? Was he being serious? Surely not? I click to his profile page. All he ever said these days were insults to other people. I click again. I'd had enough of this. Unfriend. It had certainly been a long time coming.


-------------------------------


Wow. For a first attempt that was exceptionally horrible. 


Apparently someone hacked the Sesame Street Youtube page and posted porn. After initially reading, I did laugh, though after thinking about it, it's a bit weird. Who gets kicks from subjecting little kids to that kind of thing?


Anyway, back to monotony.


- IP

A New Day

This, I suppose, is the beginning. What it is the beginning of, I'm not entirely sure. Something I do know, I really need this blog to help me vent, get my ideas out and put in my part of the Internet. Until I figure out what kind of blog I want this to be though, I'll just post things I like, things I think, things I've seen amongst other random things. Let's see how it goes. So this is the beginning, and I for one am curious about the end.

- IP