I guess what's brought on this post is the fact that it's 2.23am and I'm still awake. Marks come out in about 4 hours, and I'm honestly not sure if I'm waiting for them or for something else. I went to a party on Wednesday and it was great fun. And of course, like a cheesy romcom, I met a boy who offers a different viewpoint and the possibility of a different kind of relationship. For me, my goal in life is to be happy. Up until this point in my life, happiness has been an arbitrary thing. And the messed up thing is that it wasn't always arbitrary by my design. When I'm around him though, I want to be happy. It's a different feeling. And this rises above all other things. All of the personality differences, the differences in interest, ways of communication, everything. Because all my life I've never met anyone who's made me want to be happy and that, for me, speaks volumes. And now, once again, I'm stuck in the turmoil of uncertainty where the choices of the safety of friendship versus the relative danger of pursuing a relationship battle it out until both are lying bleeding on the floor but neither has gotten a foot over the other. So I've resigned myself to waiting and seeing if he will make the first move, which seems unlikely. Should I wait though? I have never been a waiter by nature and it's been both beneficial and detrimental. I have decided to try the waiting game. Who knows, I may be rewarded for it.
So to you, the boy who makes me want to smile and be a better person, maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't, maybe you'll wake up one morning and think that I make you want to be happy too, maybe you won't. The journey is always much more interesting than the destination. I care more about the destination, though.
- IP
- IP
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